Oh you whippersnappers with your fancy internet gambling! Back in my day, we had to trek 50 miles uphill both ways to Las Vegas, in the scorching desert heat, just to pull a rusty slot machine lever. And we liked it! We'd spend hours feeding nickels into those one-armed bandits, our fingers calloused and our wallets empty. But by golly, when those cherries lined up, the sound of real coins clanking into that metal tray was sweeter than any digital 'cha-ching' you kids get nowadays. We didn't need no verification deposits - our wrinkled dollars and the cigarette burn holes in our polyester shirts were all the verification we needed!